Several week's ago
we took a peek at Grimm's New Year Resolutions
for 2001. When the other Danes in Grimm's household, Grendel and Circe,
discovered that their little brother had signed such a one-sided document,
they were flabbergasted. They considered hiring an attorney to see if
the contract was binding, but then they remembered that the master of
the house is herself an attorney. Drat! Of course the contract was binding.
Oh woe, woe – and woo-woo!!
Circe and Grendel are resourceful girls, though. "Hey, why don't
we draft a new agreement?" After several weeks of hard work (it was
oh-so-difficult) they proudly presented to their mistress a new list of
resolutions. "This document is much more reasonable,"
explained Circe.
New Year Resolutions for Great Dane Owners |
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I,
as a Great Dane Owner, will put my best foot forward and
endeavor to support my Dane in the manner to which the
breed has become accustomed:
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I
will designate at least one couch for use by the Dane only. |
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I
will sacrifice my favorite chair to the aforementioned Dane. |
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I
will allow the Dane free access to countertops (also known
as "buffet bars for Danes") |
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I
will strive not to repress, but rather to encourage, my
Dane's fun-loving habit of chewing. |
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Whenever
I find a mess in the house sporting telltale teeth marks,
I will not jump to conclusions but give my Dane the benefit
of the doubt. |
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I
will strive to take the Dane with me wherever I go. But
if I do have to leave, I will return promptly – with
either a toy or treat in hand. |
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If
I am "nosed," I will immediately direct my attention
to the Dane.
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I
will make an effort to bond more with my pack by running,
romping and playing daily. |
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I
will encourage digging rather than trying to squelch it. |
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I
will get up immediately if my Dane goes to the door to let
him/her out rather than waiting for the next TV commercial. |
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I
will endeavor to carry treats in my pockets – or
on my person – at all times. |
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I
will NEVER crate the Dane. Rather, the Dane will have free
run of the house (noting that the term "free run"
can be taken literally as well as figuratively). |
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I
will endeavor to have at least two Danes at all times. |
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I
will not violate my Dane's inalienable right to act like
a three-month-old puppy. |
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If
I plan to remove a toy or change something around in the
house, I must ask the Dane's permission first and abide
by the Dane’s decision. |
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I
will make room for the Dane on my bed. |
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If
I am not leaving enough room on the couch for the Dane,
I will proceed to sit on the floor. |
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If
I hear barking, I will join in rather than trying to squelch
it. |
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I
will leave the toilet seat up. |
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I
will let the Dane peek in the fridge every now and then. |
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I
will play ball and run in the house. |
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I
will NEVER vacuum around the Dane. |
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I
will allow the Dane's doggy friends to spend the night – even
if it means that the slumber party takes place in my bed.
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I
will set a place for the Dane at the table rather than just
dumping dry food in a bowl. |
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I
will not force the Dane to potty in the rain. |
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I
will not pet other dogs, much less other cats. |
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I
will allow my Dane to bring "contraband" (this
term refers to sticks and/or other dirty things the Dane
finds outside in the yard) into the house. |
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I
will learn to drive with the Dane sitting in my lap. |
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I
will do my Dane's bidding at the first "Woo-Woo,"
not the second or third. |
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I
will get down on all-fours more often. |
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I
will refrain from giving baths, clipping nails and cleaning
ears. |
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I
will stop going to Obedience Class and start Agility instead. |
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I
will require all guests to bring treats. |
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I
will promptly fetch toys from under the bed or couch at
my Dane's bidding. |
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I
will refrain from designating some household items or furniture
as "off limits." |
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I
will not make a big deal about muddy paws. |
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I
will institute a policy of "No Closed Doors" throughout
the house. |
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When
I am licked, I will lick back. |
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When
I hear a strange noise, I will bark to alert the Dane and
the rest of the pack. |
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I
will not engage in dominance games. |
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And
FINALLY and most importantly, I will not yell "COME"
just at the moment the Dane is sniffing and/or eating and/or
rolling in something particularly interesting. |
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Special
thanks to Zelimira Schulte for allowing DaDane of DaWeek to publish
her Grimm's New Year Resolutions for 2001 and New Year Resolutions
for Great Dane Owners. Zeli is the proud owner of Grendel and
Circe, pictured above, and the incorrigible Mr.
Grimm. And yes, she really is an attorney – but she
doesn't make her Danes sign contracts. (She knows they'd never live
up to them anyway.)
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