• a five-year-old girl approaches to ask, "Why are you walking that baby cow?"
  
  
• a car drives by, stops, and backs up to you. The driver rolls down his window to ask, "Excuse me, that's a dog, isn't it?" When you say yes, he turns to his wife and says, "See, I told you so, nobody walks a deer!" and drives away
  
  
• a six-year-old boy takes one look at your dog and says, "Wow! I bet he could eat a whole roll of toilet paper in one gulp!"
  
  
• the big people walking the little dog always say "I don't know how she does it."
  
  
• you see a Chihuahua and you mutter under your breath, "My dog craps bigger than that!"
  

• "That's the biggest dog I've ever seen."
  
  
• "Where's his saddle?"
  
  
• "Who's walking who, anyway?"
  
  
• "How much does he eat?"
  
  
• "Where does she sleep?"
  
  
• "Looks like you have your hands full!"
  
  
• "How big is that thing?"
  
  
• "That's a really big Dalmatian!"
  
  
• "Did you say it's still a puppy? You're kidding, right?"
  
  

Q: "How did he get soooo big?"
A: "We put Miracle Grow in his water."

Q: "Do you have a saddle for that thing?"
A: "Oh no, he's been trained to carry me in his mouth."

Q: "What kind of dog is that?"
A: "It's not really a dog, it's a Holstien. He's just a little confused."

Q: "How much does he eat?"
A: "Two kids a week"

Q: "Why is he so big?"
A: "We live near a nuclear power plant."

Q: "Does he bite?"
A: "Only on Tuesdays. Oops, that's today, isn't it?"

Q: "How much does he eat?"
A: "How much do you weigh?"

Q: "Can I ride him?"
A: "No, he charges too much"

Q: "What do you feed a 150-pound dog?"
A: "Anything he wants."

Q: "Have you fed that thing today?"
A: "Why? Are are you missing a kid?"

Q: "Why does he have one blue eye and one brown eye?"
A: "He had two different fathers."

• a female guest wearing very short shorts got a wet nose in the crotch, and from tippy-toes she commented, "He must smell my cat."
  
  
• your new neighbor excitedly told you he found bear tracks in the garden
  
  
• someone explained the word oxymoron when you introduced your "baby" Great Dane
  
  
• your dog woke you up in the middle of the night to warn you of the dangers of a kitchen chair, then (a week later) slept through the theft of your valuables
  
  
• the painter you hired to paint the cathedral ceiling in your living room told you that he would be happy to paint the ceiling but "you have strange water marks up there and maybe you should have the roof checked first."
  
  
• your boss commented, "If you were married, I'd call the police," after you showed up at work with a black eye
  
  
• a visitor yelled "No!!!" while telling a story, and your Dane hid for 3 hours behind the door in the bathroom before you found him
  
  
• the people stopped you in the street to take a picture of their 5-year-old sitting under your dog
  
  
• the woman asked, "But their personalities – are they more like dogs, or like cattle?"
  
  
• you came home to find a lake of water on your kitchen floor because, in your absence, your dog learned to operate the icemaker
  
  
• your dog farted loudly in obedience class, then in front of God and the world, he chased his butt to find out where the noise came from

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